Crazy Christmas Santa Krad!
by stars2night
Summary: Accidentally shot off the roof by a power bolt Santa needs to be replaced! Who will step up and face the horror...'cough'...wonder! That this Christmas is going to be! D N Angel x Full Metal Alchemist o.0
1. Chapter 1: Krad vs Santa?

Chapter 1: Krad vs. Santa?

Disclaimer: Own nothing, no one, anything, except…my own mind…and that is all I need!

In a land not so very far away there came a spot of trouble when a power blast knocked Santa off the roof…and Krad finds himself facing a dilemma about whether to correct his grievous mistake or destroy Christmas once and for all…

It all started one day when Krad was shopping for the necessary items that kept his evil self whole and functioning, when all of the sudden the department store Santa took a fancy to Krad's sparkly hair band…and since this fake Santa felt like he wanted it as a Christmas present for himself, he decided to just slide it off the end of the mysterious stranger's long blond hair and make a run for it. By the time Krad realized the lost item was gone the Santa was running full blast across the mall trampling little kids that got in the way.

The Santa put on a burst of speed, trying to make it to the Santa and Elf display 20 yards ahead. Looking behind him, he saw no one running, instead, he saw a bird…no wait, a plane! No! It was superman! _Damn superman, _thought the doomed Santa, _always getting in the way of my plans!_ Taking a right he skidded to a halt in front of the blond "superman" and cried out as a layer of ice appeared upon the ground of the tofu restaurant's floor, dumping the Santa head over heels to the hard ceramic white tile.

Looking up at the glowering face of the man above him he cowered, calling himself an idiot a million times over. He should have known Superman would be so quick! and he should have never stolen a Superman's hair band! _But how was I supposed to know?_ He consoled himself _He doesn't exactly have Superman written upon his forehead, does he?_

With a stammer of incoherent sayings and bobbing his head as if jamming to the million times replayed tune of Jingle Bells playing on the radio, the now grungy Santa managed to work his way to the safety of a deserted table. Glancing again at the Superman, he gulped to find that the stranger's face was even more thunderous.

Without warning, the Santa burst out "Can I stamp you forehead with the word Superman??? The people have to know who they are dealing with!!!" Mouth open and eyes wide with shock, Krad stared at this lunatic Santa, processed his request and his expression grew infuriated at the thought of being mistaken for a superhero.

_I am not here to save the world! I am here for the sole purpose of destroying it…one day!_ Snarled Krad under his breathe. With a resounding shout that echoed across the packed mall he yelled "HELL NO!!!" and with shaking hands curled into claws he made a motion to strangle the Santa before getting a hold of himself and settling back against the vegetable printed wallpaper. With a shaking hand the fake Santa reached into his pants and drew out a pack of cards…

"How about we play poker for it? If I win you get the stamp, if you win then you get your hair band back…" Santa began until Krad imperiously waved a hand in front of his face and cut him short. "And…," Krad grunted, "if I win I also get to turn you into a man sized candy cane…Agreed?" and not waiting for the Santa to agree or disagree he motioned the Santa to deal out the cards.

After a gulp or two the Santa complied, thinking that he surely had this poser of a Superman beaten before the game even began because of his mastery at cheating at cards. After a glare contest which he ended up losing, the Santa grabbed up his cards and yelled "Full House! Beat that, Poser!" to which Krad, looking half asleep and almost dead with boredom, flipped his cards around so that the Santa could see all nine of his aces. "Beat it, now pay up!" said Krad softly still looking like he could fall asleep at any moment.

As the Santa reluctantly took out the hair band and handed it to Krad an explosion from the middle of the floor rocked the room, making Krad fall in an undignified heap, the Santa to go skidding across the ice again and a hole to appear in what once was the cleanest part of the floor. There, in all his blue glory, emerged…you guessed it! Captain Planet!

"OMG!" exclaimed the Santa, "Run for your lives!!! Captain Planet is here to enforce the rule of healthy eating! I sacrifice this blonde superman! I bet he hasn't eaten any veggies in his life!" Meanwhile the Santa slowly crept under the table hoping to avoid the trip to celery land and the doom of his fat belly.

"Is that true, young man?" queried the old superhero who had fallen on hard times and had to change his job to tofu hand outs and daily visits to celery land to make deliveries. Krad looking horrified at this washed up superhero with a 1980's buzz cut and somewhat afraid of an untimely exile to some vegetable land or other replied, "Ummm, sir, I, of course, stomach 5 servings of veggie…(mutters) tales…a day! How could you not think that such a manly specimen as I could survive without?"

Captain Planet, after looking Krad over, nodded his head and turned his full attention to the slip of red showing over the top of the table. "Now I know you haven't done such a good job as this young man so I am dragging you off to your favorite place in the whole world! Celery Land, of course!, where you will be fed 500 pounds of celery every 10 minutes for the next 24 hours! Enjoy!!!" and throwing the table aside, he grabbed the fake Santa by the scruff of the neck and pulled him wriggling to the hole that still smoldered in the middle of the less than pristine floor.

The Santa tried to get away, and finding that task impossible, turned his blood shot and slightly crazed gaze toward Krad, "You sold me out, man! How could you?!?! We were buddies, best friends, and you betray me like this? I see how it is! I am coming after you, you and your little dog…err…hair band, tooooooooooo…." His voice faded as the Captain, tired of his chatter, pushed him into the hole and jumped in after him.

Twenty five hours later Krad stared at the prone form of the real Santa Claus…with Dark staring concerned over his shoulder. "Nice going, hot shot," remarked Dark in Krad's ear, "you just had to shoot the real Santa Claus, now didn't you?!?!" Staring down undecidedly at the red and white form at his feet, Krad glanced up and glared at Dark, "I told you what happened! It wasn't my fault!"

"It's never your fault, as you always say, and, as always, it actually is! Now you are going to have to save Christmas and turn into the Santa Krad!" flourishes his statement with a grand stance that he had been working on for more than 2 weeks that involved a peter pan-like, hands on hips, posture.

Grimacing at Dark's ridiculous stance, Krad adamantly shook his head no saying, "No way in heck am I going to bring joy to thousands of millions of little kids! Just the opposite! I am just going to sit here and watch them suffer painfully as none of their toys get delivered and laughing the whole wa- "

Abruptly cutting off Krad's joy, Dark figures out a plan, "Who says you have to bring joy? You could do the Nightmare Before Christmas thing and scare the crap out of the little children…see! We even have our old Halloween stuff left and that picture of you in a maid outfit last Halloween will defiantly scare a bunch of these kids!"

"Shuddup!" cried Krad, "you aren't supposed to tell anyone what Winry made me do!"

Dark, ignoring Krad's cries, continued on with his thought fully intending to switch the bad presents for the good, all he had to do was convince Krad to come with him and help! "We could even call you Satan Santa Krad if that made you feel any better!"

"Ooooooooooo," crooned Krad, "That has a nice ring to it! I'm in! But how the heck are we supposed to fly the sleigh when all the reindeer flew off? Wait, I know a guy, kinda short, who showed me a magic trick where he could solidify the air to the point that he could walk on it. And we can blackmail him with milk! (chuckles evilly) Let's go find…Edward Elric…." And off they slipped to go gather the ingredients for a successful…or the most horrid…Christmas ever!

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Ok….I know…I know…I felt like including a lot of movies…and I probably will continue, they are going to meet a lot of Disney Characters…Kinda reminds me of Kingdom Hearts now that I think about it but who cares about them? They didn't include Krad so who cares? So anyway, my own idea for Christmas will continue to get wackier and I will continue to add your favorite characters to the story. As a first chapter, I am happy with it. Review your hearts out and I will be more motivated to write! I would love to get ideas about what movies I should include in my spin-off and who cares if Christmas won't be for much longer? This story shall go on!


	2. Chapter 2: We are off to see the Elric!

Chapter 2: We are off to see the Elric! The wonderful Elric of Oz!

Please enjoy! This chapter is long in coming, and I want to thank those of you that kept pleading with me to continue the story. Now, for your reading pleasure, chapter 2!

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"Will you help me now…friend?" Krad gritted his teeth against the urge to do more than just drown Edward Elric from time to time in milk. This didn't seem to be getting him anywhere; in fact, it just made this bothersome boy faint more than do anything useful, such as ANSWERING the damn question at hand. With a sigh, Krad gave up his excuse for torture since it wasn't really getting him anywhere other than in a really good mood…and he was almost out of milk.

Tossing the boy to the discarded waiting room chair, he went to go get a needle.

Blinking out of his fake stupor (since the horror of the dreaded milk had worn off about an hour and 37 min ago), Ed scrambled to his feet, glancing every which way for an escape. Everywhere he looked there seemed to be yellowed wallpaper that had been fashionable years upon years ago dripping off the walls, and in some places, even brushing the floor. The musky smell of mildew and mold filled the air so chokingly cloying that it was hard to breath. No windows dotted the walls and the only way out seemed to be through the rusted, rotted away door that seemed like it would blow over in the slightest breeze.

Something slithered behind that door, barely loud enough to be heard. A shiver ran down Ed's spine at all the things it could be. This was Krad we were talking about after all. Who knew what creepy crawly DARK things it could be??? Something truly horrible, it had to be, and deciding that he would rather just carve a new way out by the simple use of alchemy than face Krad's wrath at killing his newest "pet" he turned away from the door.

_Now how am I going to pull this off_, thought Ed, glumly considering his hands that were glued to the peanut butter and jelly sandwich Krad had so "thoughtfully" brought for him. _I should have been more suspicious, why in the hell would he bring me a sandwich after all? But I was so hungry I didn't care at that point. I just grabbed the sandwich, and then the rest is history…_

Before Ed could actually come to a decision as to whether or not alchemy really could be performed through delicious PB&J sandwiches, a thump of the door closing alerted him to the arrival of the 'detestable one'. Turning slowly, carefully so as not to incite this wild, dangerous beast to charge, Ed found himself only a few inches away from…his brother!

"Wh- Wha- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???" yelled Ed, shocked and alarmed at the mere thought of Al being close to Krad's brand of evil.

"Oh…well…umm…," embarrassed, Al scuffed his feet on the decaying carpet, "Krad told me we are going to save Christmas and that I get to be an elf! And you a reindeer! Isn't that great brother? We can save Christmas!" Hope-filled eye-holes stared pleadingly at him, wanting him to say yes. Ed paced impatiently, unable to stay in one spot under that innocent gaze.

"On one hand," muttered Ed, "I would be helping the greatest evil the world has ever seen. An evil that would even defile a PB&J sandwich, my favorite snack, to get his way!... But then again, maybe he is trying to make his first steps to the side of good… Saving Christmas is good after all… and Dark really isn't much of a role model… so maybe he doesn't know how to be good… That must be it!" Turning to Al, "If we take this assignment, we won't just save Christmas, we will be saving Krad's soul as well!"

Al nodded vigorously "And you can be his role model brother! …but you must have patience, Krad has hundreds of years of evil to unlearn. Be nice…"

At that moment Krad walked in, confident sway to his step, unpleasant smile on his face, a hand hidden behind his back, to come to a puzzled stop in front of Ed and Al. "Why are you smiling? What has happened? Do I have something stuck between my teeth? Tell me what it is before you make me hurt you past your ability to be used!"

Ed, whose pacing had stopped in front of where Krad now stood, bore the brunt of this question. Smiling gently, though mayhap a little un-genuinely since the last couple of hours could not be forgotten that easily, Ed laid a hand on Krad's shoulder comfortingly. As Krad stared in horror at this young upstart daring to lay hands upon his superior in every way, Ed dealt the killing blow.

"Krad, we know you want to be good. I don't hold it against you for having a crappy role model in it, and in fact would like to be your Jedi master in the ways of being good. It is wonderful that you are coming over to the good side and…" By this time, Krad's absolute shock of being told he actually wanted to be good, and taught by a kid no less, had worn off. A stormy expression crossed Krad's face and it felt as if the room temperature kept dropping by 20 degree intervals.

"Who…Told…You…THAT!?!?" Krad had long since forgotten about the needle that he held in his hand until the moment it crashed to the floor spewing shards and yellow liquid everywhere. Uncaringly, he grabbed hold of Ed's red jacket and shook him with barely contained rage. "WHO TOLD YOU THAT!"

Ed stuttered "W-W-Well, we thought since you were going to save Christmas, you were going to be- and we would help you with- and Christmas…" and literally being thrown into the more-rotting-stuffing-than-couch for a second time, didn't dare move except to nibble on his sandwich consideringly.

Krad threw open the door, and the door continued on past where it should have stopped, its hinges broken, lying like just another broken thing in this dilapidated house. Stalking out into what seemed to be a hallway, in no better shape than the current room they were in, he stopped in front of a single red door in the sea of blue doors surrounding it. A slinking sliding sound came from behind this door reminding Ed of the sound he had heard earlier. Hoping that Krad wouldn't sic whatever monster was behind that door on him, Ed waited with bated breathe as Krad…knocked?

Shuffling sounded within the room, and the sound of the door being unlocked. Without waiting for the door to be pulled open, Krad pushed his way into the room. A fast and furious conversation started with another voice that Ed didn't recognize, as well as some banging as if a body hit the wall…several times. Even though he was dying of curiosity to know what Krad and the other male? was saying, Ed decided that it was best to stay where he was. He hadn't civilized Krad enough to be safe, plus this sandwich was actually pretty good. Maybe the goodness of Krad was coming out in his cooking and… Ed took another huge bite out of the sandwich and found…to his dismay that not all the glue was where he had thought it was…

Krad angrily shoved Dark up against the wall again. "You are costing me my reputation! Do you know what that little twerp is saying now? I could be ruined if this got out! AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

Dark frantically waved his hands in front of Krad, placatingly. "Nightmare before Christmas, remember? This will increase your reputation a hundredfold! Everyone will know your name and live in fear of you visiting! You will even surpass the bogeyman. Parents will change their stories to the Krad under the bed, or… in… the closet…" Dark shook with an effort to stop his gales of laughter bubbling to the surface.

Krad, considering the shaking to be more of an effect of fear at the thought of future Krad, turned majestically around with a smile and took 2 steps forward. Looking back at the quivering mound of insignificant flesh, he smiled evilly. "We shall use those two, for as long as we need them. I can give up a little evil for the greater evil as long as it keeps those two dunderheads cooperating. Now," rubbing his hands together gleefully, "it is time to pay Satoshi a little visit. There are paintings that trap your soul…ahem… gifts to be created" and with a swirl of white robes, Krad was gone, off to torment other innocent folk out of their hard earned lives.

Dark sighed, and started walking towards the door. He was going to have to figure out how to divert the latest catastrophe Krad already had in motion. The paintings were going to be easy to dispose of, after all, he was an art thief! But there was still so much to do! and so little time and… one thing at a time, one thing at a time. With another huge sigh, Dark went to deal with the Elric brothers.

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Thanks again. Please review. All comments are welcome and even insisted upon. Emails are fine to send me, motivates me to write even more :) I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I had waaaaaaaaay too much fun with that PB&J sandwich ;P


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